Ascension 4/4/4 Portal

The energies surrounding this latest pink full moon were crazy.

Before this full moon I had experienced something that had terrified me on a basic human level. However, I haven’t fully processed that yet so I won’t be blogging about that for awhile.

Anyway…

I had been feeling that my twin flame was going to reach out to me this coming July. I felt it deep in my gut. I acknowledged it and then let it go because if you hold onto it too tightly they feel it and runaway.

Along with that, the ascension symptoms I have been experiencing on top of everything totally suck. They have been some of the weirdest and strongest yet.

As someone who spends a lot of time transmuting energies during shifts, I have found myself processing my twins stuff, along with mine.

A lot of the time, when I experience these shifts in energies, it affects my heart chakra and I feel blocked. I haven’t felt this truly blocked since I was a teen in high school trying to protect my emotional state from bullies and other difficult situations.

I started to feel really agitated and like my heart was closing up, but I didn’t take much notice of it because its something that has happen many times over. Nevertheless, I am experiencing a lot of things that I wish I wasn’t.

All the fears, negative thought patterning and childhood, teen and adult trauma and memories are coming up to the surface to be cleared.

I didn’t know that this was in fact happening and had to check-in with my guides. We had conversation about a few things and it cleared some things up for me. It helped, a little. However, they said these symptoms are going to last for at least a week. 7 whole days.

Yikes!

Early one morning when I couldn’t sleep, I decided to do a Steve Nobel meditation, but I started to feel like I was choking and having a heart attack at the same time. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I had to literally change the angle that I was sleeping in. It felt like something was compressing my heart and closing my throat.

There was a reason for this…I came to hard realisation that my heart is something I have been used to closing up tight and keeping to myself and my throat…its hard for me to share my emotions or how I’m feeling and I usually keep my secrets and thoughts, or my truth to myself, instead of sharing it with the world or even family.

My family don’t understand what I’m going through most times and I still don’t feel like it is something I can truly and openly talk to them about. That is why it is imperative that light workers and twin flames go out and find their soul family. They can understand you when your human family just aren’t able to.

Moving along to…

The pain I was experiencing was just showing me how blocked those chakra’s really were.

It was painful and a very weird sensation. I would describe it as multiple layers of terracotta thin slabs on top of the other inside my throat and a constricting squeezing beating of my heart. I don’t think they’re fully cleared right now because I still feel like I want to wreck my house and smash things. Agitation at the slightest things seem to be one of my many ascension symptoms…

Some of these symptoms would be:

• breaking out into a sweat for no reason at all
• feel like my hearts being squeezed in a pressure cooker
• old and negative thoughts coming up
• A sense of loss of place and time
• short term memory loss
• seeing weird things through my third eye
• Loss of the old me (like who is that girl?!)
• periods of deep sleeping (once I’m down I’m not waking again unless I force myself to wake up!)
• Heightened sensitivity to everyone and everything
• gritty eyes, back and neck pain, ringing in the ears, blurred vision etc
• Not remembering the meaning of anything
• difficulty in remembering what I did or who I spoke to…(?)
• I don’t want to do any 3D stuff…
• No tolerance for low vibrational things…
• no desire for food…even when I’m eating it…
• Old routine feels crappy…
• feeling like I’m going insane
• eating all the time
• and wanting to “go home”…

To only name a few things. Ha!

As we continue to move through these energies, I have realised that I have to face what ever comes up. I also don’t have to face every single negative thought pattern that does come through my mind. It is as easy as sending those thoughts into the great central sun for healing and transmutation.

The other more pressing things I still need to look at are my inner child stuff, fears, fully activating my kundalini and whatever twin flame thing comes up.

Full moons are that big of an issue. It is only when they are tied to a huge energetic, portal shift into a new age that they get bothersome. I am trying the best I can with this but its been difficult. I can’t even lie about it. And I want to pretend nothing bad is even happening. Because logically, in the grander scheme of the universe, I understand it has a purpose. I’m just having a hard time, right now.