Tag: light worker

^{*There are some personal things in this post about suicide, please read to the end before giving out any judgement. Thank you.}

There is is a kind of person that I have known for awhile, and no I will not be talking about the person, but my experience of her as a whole.

The title definitely describes the kind of person I am talking about. I am sure that there are more words that can be used to describe her, but the list would be too long to write in the title. It gives you an idea though.

I know that we are all in different parts of the journey here and we are all going to the same place; Source and Ascension. But this person made me realise something.

It was a hard lesson for me to learn and a lot of what I previously believed had been shattered.

I thought we would go on this path together for a very long time. She was one of my closest friends on this journey, but everything started to change as I had started to heal and look closely at my crap.

Now, I don’t really know for sure how much she actually worked on herself and how much she was actually willing to do. But she said that she was constantly working on herself.

She was a hard worker when it came to things in the 3D, but if she had to start her mission work she was reluctant; as we can all get sometimes. But I know I have to do mine. That is not my ego. I can feel this energy within me that is pushing me further and further along this path and I don’t think it is going to stop unless I am at the finish line. I don’t know where that is going to be, maybe when I finally make the move to my next NEW destination and then maybe it will calm down.

But who knows? I have a life path that is making me go forward and I can’t wait around any longer for other people to catch up to me. Again, not ego. This feeling within just won’t shut up. I’m not sure if that is a good thing or not. But that’s what it feels like.

Anyway, I didn’t know how faraway energetically we were getting until one day I started to feel like my voice was being shut down. I could feel my throat chakra being closed up and I just chalked it up to negative energies.

What we don’t realise is that not all negative energies come from negative beings, but also our human friends and family. (Or maybe you do)

I found myself having to quiet my own voice more regularly because she would then shut me down…a lot.

That caused some resentment in me and I didn’t know what to do about it.

What could I do? She was my friend and I thought I was handling it the best way that I could. I was wrong.

We fought. A fair few times. Three times all up. The big fights, not the many small ones leading up to these.

It was all of her reactions that seemed to have the most emotional trigger. The fights would then be put on me as being my fault, but these kinds of things are a two way street.

I found myself apologising for the first fight and being the most remorseful even though it wasn’t entirely my fault.

The second fight, now I don’t even remember most of it. But I ended up getting fed up with her and telling her how I feel only for her to get triggered again and than send me an epically long message and a lot of very hurtful things.

She spoke about how she hoped or wondered why she even told me various things and even suggested that my future daughter, because she had spoken to her higherself, wouldn’t want to be born to me and my twin flame anymore because I was being mean.

I was the one who told her about my daughter because I saw her in a vision with my true twin flame. I saw this vision months before I even told her about it.

Suffice to say, I spent a good half hour in the shower crying about it and having a panic attack from what she said. I haven’t had a panic since I was 18 years old. I am now 31.

In these situations, I feel like what I said to her was long overdue and that if she felt triggered it wasn’t my fault because I stayed as calm as could until I couldn’t stay calm anymore.

I ended up not speaking to her for a good month and half. In that time, she never once took my silence to actually mean I needed time. She kept commenting on my social media posts which until up to this point I chose to ignore her.

I don’t like confrontation with people in general. But when push comes to shove I am quite capable of eviscerating people where they stand with my words. I know that is not healthy and I have been trying to tell other people how I feel when I feel it and the only person I can truly tell how I feel without the judgement or the ridicule is my true twin flame.

He is a bit on my side, but he is older and wiser than me and wants the best for me, so he tells me the truth and how I probably shouldn’t have handled that the way I did. But he loves me so I didn’t take offense to his honesty, which means I have probably grown a fair bit from my old self that would of lashed out irrationally at him and cut all ties.

I heard out what he had to say and told him my side of what happened and he understood, thankfully.

The third time, and the last time that I have spoken to her, she got very upset because she had sent me another low vibrational message that I didn’t read the whole through because I swear to you that I have heard this exact message before just in a different way many, many, many times before.

She was upset with me, as was her right. But she did lash out and if it is possible to get “yelly” over messenger, than that is how I would describe what she was.

I am highly sensitive and not just because I am an Avian star seed and we are usually more sensitive than other star seeds, but I could feel her anger rolling off my phone.

But she didn’t stop what she was doing. And blamed me for my messages in response to have being influenced by negative beings.

However, I know I was being attacked in this time, but negative beings only use what they can from your own emotions that you have either been ignoring or didn’t know was there.

So at this point, I am just reading all the hateful messages and trying to stick up for myself and then I went and told her the truth of it, because you cannot tell her anything without her blowing up at you.

It doesn’t matter that it was your truth and is your truth. It triggered her, so that means it had and has to be wrong. So, because of that, she lashes out.

Whatever was going on with her was a mixture of negative energies influencing her words, anger, self-pity and some other things as well that she hasn’t dealt with and a vibrational state that she doesn’t seem to want to get free of.

What she wanted from me, was sympathy and a pat on the head that told her her emotions were valid and that she could keep going on this way.

She blames everyone for her circumstances, knows she has to do something to get out of them, but doesn’t do anything to change.

At this point, I was getting tired of dealing with her. I didn’t even realise that I was getting sucked back into a cycle that I had been glad for one and half months to be free of.

In this time, we spoke for about a week before I knew I needed to get away from her energetically.

She told me she was suicidal and that you shouldn’t berate someone who was suicidal, but what you have to understand is that she comes in and out of these feelings and doesn’t do anything. She knows she has to be better, do better, start mission, heal herself but she wants the easy fix.

I understand what it is like to be so low myself and manic depressive as well as very suicidal and I still battle with it now but it is less than it was.

I can’t go back there. I can’t even entertain that vibration again because I have lived and I have risen above it and I am trying to make my life better and the way I want it. But she was and I’ve been told by my Mentor/Teacher/Healer that she would bring me down again. Or that was what she was unknowingly doing.

She attacked me with very abusive language and at this point I was done. I told her the truth and that she attracts where her vibration is at and she know this, but has been ignoring it for so long.

She posts a lot of negative minded things on social media and complains a lot about her life wanting sympathy from people. Doing that won’t bring her out of where she is at. And it was not good for me.

She has blocked me on all social media and I am actually grateful for that. I know that is a little selfish but I had just started to get back into music again, but in the time of that week that I was speaking to her, I did not feel, hear or want to play my music.

It was only after I stopped talking to her, that I started to sing again.

That is the Narcissistic Empath. The Victim. The Self-Pitier and The Light Worker all in one.

I know some of you will not agree with what I did because she has said she is suicidal, but when I was suicidal I never told anyone about it. I kept it to myself. And when I did that, I heavily contemplated ended my own life on many occasions.

People who are suicidal don’t tell anyone they are, they just kill themselves. I hope those who are that read this know that they are not alone and to please, please talk to someone about how you feel. Someone who you can trust with what you are saying and to not think you are joking.

This friend has used “I am feeling suicidal” many times but once she works through her emotions she’s ok in the end and can keep going.

It is just her way to seek attention and have some one listen to her moan about the next thing that she feel is unfair.

I feel like she has said this for so long and hasn’t done anything about it because she likes the way it makes her feel to have people come to her rescue. She is currently waiting for her twin flame to come and rescue her from her situation, but he can’t even rescue himself from his own.

I am sorry about talking about the suicide that she was telling me about in a abrupt or insensitive way in this blog post. But I feel like it is attention seeking narcissism. She doesn’t actually want my help, she just wants to bitch.

That gets tiring, if I am honest. I was getting so tired talking to her. That when she blocked me, I was sad for a bit but after awhile I realised one thing. I was FREE.