Tag: self-help

Is it normal to feel guilt when you know that you are doing the right thing by letting a person go for awhile?

I have been on this spiritual journey since 2012, where I have been dealing with deep depression and suicidal tendencies from my teenage years of dealing with bullying, fall outs and maybe “broken dreams”. I don’t really feel a connection to those emotions anymore so I don’t really want to keep hampering on about it here so…

But lately, I have been dealing with a toxic spiritual person, who happens to be one of my only closest friends on this journey.

I say that I think its a wonderful thing to have friends and support on this journey but I had come to a point where this friend was starting to get a bit much.

I felt like I would have to walk on eggshells around her because if I wasn’t careful anything would trigger her into a angry discussion about how I was wrong and she was right. It could be about anything, any little or big thing and she would go on an angry tirade.

We would usually communicate online because we are in two different countries and as I write that, it’s amazing that our friendship has lasted this long.

We have a lot of differences like race, age and where we are at in our journeys. But that shouldn’t be a cause for fighting, right?

I have been feeling for awhile that there would come a time were we would have to go our separate ways for awhile and honestly, I wasn’t looking forward to it. I wasn’t sure if I could do this whole mission thing on my own and had a huge lack of self-confidence when it came to it.

This friend seemed to mirror those things back to me where she would take my fears and use them against me like missiles that would seem to puncture my sou leaving these huge gaps that I am still trying to heal.

I am still recovering from the words she had sent to me over Messenger. Words have meaning…

I wonder whether these wounds will even heal. I keep thinking, I can send love and hold space for this person to realise what she has done. However, it has been my experience that these kinds of people don’t really change overnight. It takes a long time for them to realise that what they said actually left a wound.

So what can I do? If I go back and start talking to her again, it will definitely bring down my vibration. I have worked so hard to get my vibration as high as it is to go back down now.

When we chat we always seem to talk about the same things and never really move from where we are at. She tends to complain about her life and sees a lot of things from a negative mindset and I really don’t want anything to do with that anymore. I am trying to create something new for myself.

I write this post, not to get anyone’s sympathy, I guess I wanted to share that we all are at different places on our journey’s and that ours has led us in two different directions right now.

My issue right now is forgiving the words she had said to me out of anger. Words for me, ingrain themselves into my soul and take a really long time to process out of me. I have always been really sensitive and when highly emotionally disturbing things happen to me, it can take me months before I can even fully recover from them.

It is at a point where even her face has become a trigger of what I am going through. I reminder and more feelings of guilt that I have actually removed myself from this situation for my own health…and now its daily practice to not feel sad or get triggered.

I also feel like speaking with her on a daily basis made it so that I was stuck in her vibration and situation of where she is currently at.

It was difficult to see that before things escalated. I tried to support her and encourage her to do something about her situation, to see that she had options but I wasn’t successful. She made excuses and had already formulated reasons as to why she couldn’t.

Expressing all of these things to my “MENTOR, TEACHER and HEALER”, meant I had to look at these things. Talking about it made me want to make me cry because I think my guides…especially ARCHANGEL MICHAEL…spoke to my “mentor, teacher and healer” about this situation.

It was he who told me that if I continued being around her that she would bring my vibration down and that wouldn’t serve me because I am trying to get higher and am accelerating my journey. Where she is at basically wouldn’t serve me in the long run.

I tried not to cry in front of him. I have this fear of being alone on this journey even for a little bit. It’s hard to do this work everyday and come out of it on the other side unscathed.

I had to see that I can’t save anyone, which was another wake up call for me. We save ourselves on this journey. No one else can save us. And trying keeps you stuck and unable to see the truth.

TRUTH: You may need to let go and move on. At least for now.

I am not sure if she even notices that I am not really responding to her or that I need a long time this time round to recover; because this is the second time we have come to this point.

I don’t really know where this leaves us right now, but there it is. Sometimes…we just need to take a break from people to look after our own energies.

We need to let them go to remember what it is like to hear our own voices.

We need to let them go to know our own feelings about a subject.

We need to let them go because we need to believe what we need to believe without the judgement, second guessing or slight condescension.

I know for a fact that if I even voiced these things to her she would not see it that way and would see as an attack or even that “I need to do my spiritual work…”

That was one of the many digs that she had thrown at me. And it hurt. Quite a bit.

I go through a fair bit of emotional highs and lows with my focus always moving back to love, but it’s really difficult and I am having a hard time of it. I am trying to focus on what I need to but…what else can I do? You can’t vent your frustrations to a toxic spiritual person because they can be more arrogant then just your average toxic person. It’s a lot to take it.

I also want to add, I am not a perfect person. I am still learning on this journey but I hope anyone reading this will know that a spiritual journey can look like a many number of different things. Not all of it good.

Thanks for reading.